In response to your request for an outline of our chances this season, I can only say that they are punk, rotten, nil and otherwise no good. I haven't succeeded yet in finding a man who knows a bat from a hoe handle, and, with [team owner] Charley Chapin sitting on the bag like a miser on a nickel that's nailed to the sidewalk, I can't see how I'm going to get any. If we win another pennant, it will be a pure miracle, and I will be surprised if we don't get thrown out of the league.
Take it from me. Rochester is going to be so far behind that they'll stop counting her in the averages. This lot of bone-headed, mummified fossils I've collected so far couldn't win a ball game from a team of deaf and dumb kids. There you have my opinion.